We just went to my cousin's wedding, and something that's been brewing for a while sort of came to the fore. I borrowed a dress to wear from an old friend of mine who is about the same size as I am, or used to be till she lost a bunch of weight. I thought, when I put it on the first time, that it was the *perfect* dress and I couldn't imagine anything better. I've spent quite a lot of time looking at clothes over the years, especially since we just had a semi-informal wedding in 2002 when I think I looked at every "nice" plus-sized dress on the entire internet. The point being, I know what I like and what I think is flattering on me and what makes me feel attractive. So here's this borrowed dress- black with fluttery cap-sleeves and a squared neckline with a slightly cowl-y thing going. Exactly the right length, curving to my waist (such as it is) and hips and if my belly were a little flatter it would have draped nicely (belly-squishing undoes took care of that for the wedding). I love the look of my cleavage peeking out of the neckline, fairly modest but teasing, and the vertical spray of green and purple flowers toward the bottom of the right-hand side of the skirt. It's a sexy dress, but classy. I love it so much I'm going to offer to buy it from my friend. The night of the wedding I did full makeup for the first time in at least a year- eyeshadow, liner, blush, lipstick, mascara. Dark red lipstick to be exact. My hair came out curly and perfect. I looked HOT.

The first person to tell me so was the elevator man when we arrived at the wedding.

The first person to tell me should have been EK, and the second should have been my mother, whose car we went in.

So here's the problem. I love this dress, but I love compliments from my husband too. He's entitled to his opinion,-- which includes that I look "silly" in makeup and that that particular dress is only "eh, it's ok" -- so do I wear something I find sexy and he doesn't? Do I wear makeup so I think I look good but he won't kiss me? I don't want to be one of these women who dresses to please a man-- yikes!!! Or lets his opinion control what I do with my hair or put on my face... but at the same time I do want him to like what he sees when he looks at me. Frankly, there's not a lot of point in getting myself in a sexy romantic mood if he's not going to reciprocate. I don't need to do it "for myself", I need to do something that works for both of us. Because unless I'm going to start looking elsewhere to get laid, getting dolled up in a way that makes me happy and makes him think "eh, it's ok" is a waste of time.